Tuesday, April 19, 2011

19 Apr 11 China day 5

8:00 am Beijing local

Out of bed in into the shower. Nope, first stop, decided to see if I can find their hot water heater. Bingo! Crank some knobs, heat some water, turn Mr. Wong into jerky... Wait... What? Turns out the first knob on the left is for the central heat and the one NEXT to it is for the water temp. WTF? I had no idea. Ive never even HEARD of a set up like this. Turns out he's been going to a spa everyday since we've been here and hasn't needed to take a shower here. So I finally got a hot shower, had another breakfast of delivered Chinese yumminess, and head out the door. I find out after I come back that I inadvertently turned the house into an oven. Oops. Least Mr Wong had a sense of humor about it. Still feel bad though.

9:30 am

On this episode of "American Asian lost in China", we find our stalwart hero in yet other place he didn't expect. Thats right boys and girls! Tiananmen Square! Place was... Wait for it.... Gainormous! Seems everything Chinese is HUGE! ***remember that ladies ^_~***

Nice phallic representation of Chinese pride and power

Got to see the changing of the guard.

Some really Cool stone carvings

And a few really official looking buildings.

Being American through and through, I guess I had some mixed feelings about being in Tiananmen Square. I mean I respect the country of china but I've never been too hot on the ideas of communism and stuff, but I think that it works for a country the size of china. But standing in the middle of the vast... Courtyard? Not sure what you'd call it... I had this feeling in my gut... Or maybe it was just breakfast having words with me for eating it. So I went and took a dump. That's right ladies and gentleman, I crapped in Tiananmen Square! I backed one out! I laid some cable! I made my contribution to the cause! I torpedoed the Russian! HA!

Ok, most of you prolly didn't appreciate the last segment. That was service for some of my friends and readers (you know who your are). No more potty humor. AND! I didn't actually do it IN Tiananmen Square. I found a restroom.

11:00 am

Went to some garden thingy behind Tiananmen Square. It was purdy.

No idea who this is

1:30 pm

Lunch time! Finally got to fulfill a little tradition of mine. Every country I go to, I have to go to a McDonalds. Yup, foods the same. Forgot to look to see if they had anything special on the menu. Like Hawaii has spam and eggs, one country had pizza, etc. Think the only real difference I saw was that their idea of a medium soda was about the size of our small. Or the counter girl got it wrong. Quest complete! Did you know McDonalds is the largest land owner in the world? The Vatican being a close second? Did you know that Disney owns the 3rd largest navy in the world? Just a few useless factoids :).

2:00 pm

Off to the temple of heaven. See pic for some info. Oh hey, surprise! This place is huge too! Man, I think this is the most walking around I've done on any trip I've ever been on. It is a really beautiful place though.

This one expanse to get from one section of the grounds to another is a little over three quarter miles long. This was just one of many I walked.

So hey! Notice anything interesting about this map? It had a little red triangle at the lower right that is suppose to designate where you are. Can you see it on the map? No? That's cause it's not on the map... Anywhere! Front gate had a complete map with the red triangle showing you that you where at the front gate. NO other maps in the entire place has the red triangle!!! It was almost impossible to tell where you were! What really sucked was that if you thought you where heading in the right direction, you had a walk a really really long ways to get somewhere and figure out you were wrong. I was wearing a really big happy hat at the end of this little visit.

These birds are everywhere in Beijing. Don't know what kind they are, but they're gorgeous, trying to get a good set of pictures to maybe do some work on, but I can't get close enough, even with my telephoto, their pretty smart and don't let anyone get near them.

6:00 pm

RTB (return to base). Quick breather, then off to dinner. Yet another fancy Restaraunt. I'm not complaining mind you. It's freaking awesome!


Didn't know catfish were born with a spicy and mild side

Ribs! 'nough said!



9:00 pm

Here was a nice surprise, got to shoot some pool! Thats mr. Wong on the right, a friend of his he introduced me too in the middle, and the guy on the left is a dude who stands there all night and racks for you and takes any drink orders and stuff you may have. I could get use to this. Tables are really nice, great felt, narrow pockets though, 9 footers, and the felt is fast. It was weird shooting with the narrower snooker tipped ques, but it was do-able. And you can smoke in these pool halls! Hell, you can smoke almost e erywhere in china! It was freaking awesome!

So I've written a few of these blog/journal entries so far, anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to make them any more entertaining or to improve them in any way? Excuse the potty humor if you didn't appreciate it, but hey, this is my soap box! Feel free to let me know either here or on my Facebook page. meanwhile, off to bed, gotta catch an early flight tomorrow, not sure to where.

And that concludes today's little adventures, tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel.
It's good to be the King =)


  1. This entry was full of laughs. Jesus, at least you'd know you could land a job being a writer if you lost your artistic talent.

    LOVE potty humor. You're awesome.

    You've yet to talk about the WOMEN, Sifu! The WOMEN! And Jack's mad cause I know more about your ventures in China than he does. ;p

    Fly safely, land safer, and write soon!

  2. Great posts and keep them coming. I think the posts so far have been great and are allowing me to see China.